Mothers & Daughters

   Lately,  I have been thinking about my mom and my grandmother.  I can't say that my mom is a bad mother.  She was a terrific mom to me as a child.  I can't say the same thing as an adult.  She has been an inconsistent force in my life since I was married at the age of 21.  I am ashamed to say that I envy the fact that my mom had a much better relationship with my grandmother than she does with me.
    My grandmother was always there for my mom as an adult.  I guess she felt she needed to make it up to my mom, as she was never there for my mom when she was growing up.  I imagine my mom did an awesome job with her minor children as a result.  I have rarely been able to count on my mom as an adult.  Furthermore,  I have spent most of my adult life bailing her out of serious trouble.  I don't mean minor stuff either.
   My grandmother has dementia.  She was an awesome grandmother.  We would stay at her house often. She ran around with us to the movies. to the mall, to eat out, etc...  We started to notice little things like lapses in memory when she was in her early 60's.  By her late 60's she had become moody and violent towards her great-grandchildren and grandchildren.  Her absentmindness resulted in her having to retire, it became unsafe to let her drive, to leave her alone, etc...  Eventually, we decided it would be best to put her in a home.  Before you judge,  the home is ideal as my mom's mother in law works and lives there.  My grandmother is getting the help and attention she needs. Last night I dreamt of her.  I always get scared when I have these dreams.  In them she knows me again and remembers who she is.  It breaks the heart to see her so unresponsive. 
       I fear that my mom is headed in the same direction.  She is in her early 60's she has lapses in memory.  She makes up stories and lies.  She has accidents cooking.  She burned down her kitchen and constantly burns the food and injures herself while cooking.  She forgets what she's already told you and repeats herself often.  She has recently moved in with my brother and he says that she is afraid to go out and when she does go out it is only for short runs and somebody else has to drive.
     I guess it makes me sad to think she may end up like my grandmother.  I feel like time is running out for us and it disappoints me that she doesn't even care.